Time for laughs

Beating the police Breathalyzer!
One night, a police was stalking out a particular rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under influence laws. At closing time he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb,an try his keys on 5 different cars before he found his.
Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.Everyone left the bar an drove off. Finally, he started his engine an began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. Stopping the driver, he read him his rights an administrated the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how this could be. The driver replied. "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy.

ALCOHOL WARNINGS:
Due to increasing product liability litigation, beer manufacturers have excepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to say shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical KUNG FU powers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning an see something really scary (whose species or name you can't remember)
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol my cause you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small(an sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. So everyone now you know....drink carefully.